Liquor, Ladies & Loathing

Don?t read these beer-soaked, self-deprecating, hedonistic words?
STOP.
Don?t go any further.
My friend, don?t you understand plain simple English? 
I just said not to read this?
And you still keep reading?
How audacious.
How persistent.
How cocky of you.
DAMN, you?re still at it?
Even after all my impolite remarks?
And even after I bring my impoliteness to your attention?
Alright, since you?ve made it this far?
I?m starting to like you now?
You?re one thick-skinned moron. And I love morons.
We can be friends?
I?d like to invite you to rub our most intimate organs through these pages.
(brains, of course)
This is a collection of my degenerate thoughts that?ll soon become yours.
You?re welcome.